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Good afternoon. Let’s start with a spoiler: Jose Mourinho won’t be at Manchester United next season. You know this, I know this, even educated fleas know this. But even though the storylines are clichéd and we don’t like many of the central characters – have you seen what that Pogba’s done with his hair – we keep tuning in to see what happens next and how exactly Mourinho is killed off.
Today’s episode takes him to West Ham, whose fans enjoy little more than applying the sole of their Dr Martens to anything connected with Manchester United. They ruined Alex Ferguson’s title challenges in 1991-92 and 1994-95 and would love to serenade Mourinho with “You’re gettng sacked in the morning” towards the end of this match.