Three weeks ago, Manchester United travelled to Seville for the first leg of their Round of North London tie in Big Cup, and their performance stank out the autonomous community of Andalusia so badly there was a run on Febreze all across southern Spain the very next day. It’s said bottles were swapping hands for upwards of €100, sometimes even more for the classic Original as opposed to ersatz scents such as Meadows & Rain or Hawaiian Aloha. The entire odour-eliminating-spritz sector of the Spanish economy came dangerously close to overheating, a bit like Weimar Germany only with top notes of fresh-cut pine. Meanwhile, United came back to Blighty and were drenched in so much spittle-flecked opprobrium that their critics made Jamie Carragher look like a man suffering from a serious case of Sjögren syndrome. Oh United! How could you!